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Self-Sabotage?
Conquer it with Love!
By Isabella Mori
Have you ever sat in front of the TV for hours, knowing that you’d feel much better going out for a walk, even for only 20 minutes?
Have you ever bombed a job interview by saying something that you absolutely knew wouldn’t present you in the best light?
What is that?
It’s self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage, I read the other day, is the opposite of self-care. The opposite of caring for and about yourself. The opposite of being a loving, supportive friend to yourself. Sabotage is what enemies do.
In this month of February, the month of Valentine’s Day, let’s see what we can do to love ourselves better, to stop putting hurdles in our way.
Let’s look at Annie. She has spent the last four weeks renovating her kitchen. Every moment she could spare from her busy work life and responsibilities of looking after her aging father, she paints, scrapes and hammers, to finally get her dream kitchen. Now all that’s left to do is line and reload the beautiful row of Oak cupboards. Two hours max.
Annie just can’t get herself to do it. First it seems that there are other, more important things to do: a phone call from her friend, a movie on TV she’d been wanting to watch forever, Dad’s dry-cleaning…
Finally, she realizes that she doesn’t even want to go into the kitchen anymore.
Then Annie’s friend Sylvia drops by. “Wow, your kitchen looks great. All that’s needed is those cupboards! Want a hand?”
“No, I can do it myself,” snaps Annie.
Fortunately, Sylvia knows Annie. She knows that this could drag on for months. Resolutely, she makes a pot of tea and sits Annie down.
“I’m not going to let you do this to yourself. We’re gonna make this work!”
Sylvia, who has been in the throes of self-sabotage many times, knows what to do.
Don’t beat yourself up!
Break the task down into small, easy steps (I call them “puppy steps” because they’re smaller than baby steps).
Once you know what the steps are, work one step at a time without worrying about the next step, or the end result, or how the result is going to look ten years from now.
Don’t beat yourself up!
Do the easy things first.
Get support, and don’t refuse help.
Don’t beat yourself up!
Did I mention don’t beat yourself up?
Because that’s what the enemy does, too. Just like Sylvia, you want to be a friend to yourself. Do whatever you need to do to support yourself. Whatever it is that you’re sabotaging yourself over, it’s obviously an area of vulnerability and tenderness. Give yourself the gift of however much love, dedication and patience you need to get yourself through.
If there’s a project in your life right now where you know you’re standing in your own way right now, pick up the phone right now and call me, or send me an email.
My Valentine’s gift to you is a free 20-minute conversation and two follow-up emails to help you get going.
Was this article helpful for you? Send in your comments to Isabella using our comments box.
Isabella Mori is a Vancouver psychotherapist who enjoys helping people find workable solutions to the challenges in their lives. Her website is www.moritherapy.com. You can email her directly at moritherapy@shaw.ca
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