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Stressbuster:
Outwitting perfectionism at home
By Isabella Mori
For many of us busy women, perfectionism is one of our main sources of stress. If we eliminate perfectionism, suddenly, a whole new, more peaceful world opens up!
But, it’s easier said than done.
As a therapist, I find that a lot of people don’t understand perfectionism very well. And, to be honest, as a busy woman myself, it took me quite a while to really grasp it. So I thought I’d share with you what I’ve learned both professionally and personally.
For the next couple of issues we’ll look at a few myths around perfectionism – particularly perfectionism in the home.
Myth #1
Only perfect people are perfectionists
Baljit exclaims, “Me? I’m not a perfectionist! I know I should clean out my cupboards and re-line them every six months but I just don’t get around to it!”
Baljit thinks that only supermoms are perfectionists. What is happening is that Baljit confuses being (near) perfect with being a perfectionist. Being a perfectionist is not about what you do but about what you think.
Baljit thinks that she “should” do these things (because then she would be perfect), compares her reality with these shoulds and comes up short. This is the point where stress is created.
Do you recognize yourself in Baljit?
If so, here are three techniques you can try:
Simply become aware of all the “shoulds” in your life.
Tackle one “should” at a time: How would your life improve if you didn’t follow the “should”? How would it improve if you did?
Ask your friends about their “shoulds.” You might be surprised how unnecessary you find each others’ “shoulds.”
Becoming aware of the ‘shoulds’ in your life, will help you see how you are adding stress to your day. By tackling one ‘should’ at a time, you can reduce some of the self-induced stress you are feeling. Reducing your stress makes room for the possibility of more peace, relaxation and joy in your life.
Next issue: “Someone's gotta do it, and do it right!
Was this article helpful for you? Send in your comments to Isabella.
Isabella Mori is a Vancouver psychotherapist who enjoys helping people find workable solutions to the challenges in their lives. Visit her website.
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